Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
