This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
