i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
