he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
my liver is dry heaving
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
