last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
