I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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