It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
