You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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