4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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