You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
