omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We need to rekindle our bromance
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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