my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
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Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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