Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
