just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They took my balls.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
