Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
