His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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