That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
