I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
