shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
