I am in a vortex of obligation.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
