I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
