When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
