She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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