I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I came so hard my ears popped.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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