I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
