next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
