chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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