I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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