also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
