Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
