Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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