Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
