Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
