She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
