We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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