he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
