Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
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I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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