I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
