my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
