We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
