A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
