Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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