i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence