Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.