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Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so let's talk penis.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Randomize
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