Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem