people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.