She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Yup. One sock.