Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes