I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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