I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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