This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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