I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
