Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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