just come out here and I will go home with you...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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