the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
