I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
