We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
