She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
