They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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