apparently the secret to your success is patron
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
