forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
