you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
