just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
