Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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