I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
