So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
